In defense of mommy blogs
I saw two criticisms of “mommy blogs” recently, and the remarks gave me pause. Both were written by bloggers whose sites I regularly visit, and whose opinions interest me. Some of my response was to feel defensive. I am a mom who blogs and I blog about my experience with motherhood. In some ways, then, I resemble those remarks. I, as part of a larger group, got zinged by two women who are smart, good writers and mothers themselves. And that’s fair. I agree with some of the critiques of the mommy blogs, and know I’m deserving of those critiques myself: self-indulgent, overly prone to complaining, veering between the sentimental and the insane. All of these might not make for riveting reading by others. But there are zillions of blogs out there that I don’t read, for many reasons. What seems unfair is the singling out of the mommies for special criticism. I’ve said it before, I’ll write it again: moms need help, not judgment, ESPECIALLY from other other moms.
I blog about motherhood as a way to get through it. It is so much harder and confusing than I had expected. I read books, I talked to friends, I took the birth class and still I felt bitch-slapped by labor, delivery and life with a newborn. I write about my experiences because there was so much I didn’t know, that people just don’t mention, that’s not in the books, that other people–doctors, midwives, other moms–sometimes don’t even know. I write about the happy stuff because I need to remind myself of it, and not fall into the easy trap of focusing overmuch on the negative. I know it can be precious and twee. I know that every baby does the same things and so charting the milestones is pedestrian. I know all these things and still I write, and still I defend the mommies who blog.
Yes, their blogs and mine may be all the things I’ve mentioned. But we’re all just trying to get through. If you’re a mom who is in such a better, more solid place, then that’s great. But, as your mom probably said to you, if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all. Or at least go aim your disdain at someone who is more deserving of your vitriol than tired, frazzled moms. That’s kicking us when we’re down, and that is, among other things, simply unkind.