Other mothers
I used to pass judgment all the time on moms when I wasn’t one. I’ve learned the hard way that I have no place judging someone till I’ve walked in their shoes. If I haven’t done all the things I’ve ever judged other parents for, I’ve at least thought about doing them.
Yet I am currently passing judgment myself, on people who snark at moms. An essay at Chicklit notes that some book reviewers have snarked about the current slew of mom books on the market. Why, the essay writer wonders, do they not instead decry the overabundance of rosy Ronald Reagan biographies or something else more worthy of indictment?
I have yet to meet the mom (oh, wait, maybe I have) who is not overextended, underappreciated–at least by her child(ren)–and plagued with self-doubt and recrimination about how she’s doing as a mom. Since I’ve worked hard not to remain someone who bitched about moms, I have some impatience with people who do so, especially those who are moms themselves.
A few months ago, I attended a meeting of a local mom’s group. I went looking for help and support, because I’ve felt so tapped out and alone. What I found was a poorly organized group and moms that I didn’t seem to have a lot in common with. Previously, I would’ve dismissed the group and the moms in it, and not gone back. Instead, I’ve continued to attend meetings and activities, and even taken on an ongoing event, when the woman who was supposed to lead it fell ill. I joke with my husband that I went to get help, and stayed because I felt sorry for them, but it’s not far from the truth. Other moms aren’t necessarily better off than me, and if I can’t get help, then I might as well try to help somebody else. This approach, rather than judgment, is what I try for, now.