Apparently, I Never Learn

I am Wile E. Coyote. And my metaphorical Roadrunner is the self-tanner. Two years ago, I tried Clarins and Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs. The former smelled, while the latter made a huge mess of my tub; both turned my skin orange. Last summer I resisted the siren call because I felt so nauseated in my first trimester carrying Guppy. This year, though, I succumbed. I tried Dove Energy Glow Daily Moisturizer with Self-Tanners, seduced by its Campaign for Real Beauty ad and model, and its claims of subtle change. But the song remains the same. In spite of exfoliation, shaving, and a preventive sheen of moisturizer over knees and ankles, my legs have weird, orange-y streaks and overly pigmented knees and ankles. My arms don’t look bad, though, and it hardly smells at all, even to my sensitive schnoz. But I have to stop doing this to myself every year. IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT.

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