What I Really Needed Immediately After Having a Baby
I have a good friend who is expecting her first child. She recently had the “I don’t have what I need, wait, what do I need?” episode that I experienced as my due date loomed. She lives in England, though, where registries aren’t as common as they are in the US. In many ways, I think this is a good thing. The baby industry, like the wedding industry, sprang up to distract parents-to-be from the imminent life upheaval with shiny, pretty things. And, like all industries, it succeeds because it generates both perceived need and desire.
Looking back, I only needed to procure two things to bring baby Drake home: a securely installed, safe-rated infant car seat, and an outfit for him to wear. (Dan Savage echoes this in his adoption memoir The Kid, and says that everything else can be purchased on the way home.) Our hospital sent us home with many of the things we would need, but different hospitals have different practices. Here’s a list of the things I really needed in those first, bleary post-partum days (along with what I think are the English terms for them), as well as some of the things I didn’t need, either right away or ever.
Books:
Baby Bargains: for what to buy and when
Baby 411: simple answers to most questions
For home:
Unscented laundry detergent. Does not have to be Dreft, which is scented. Wash the first-use baby items beforehand if possible.
For baby:
Infant car seat
1 pack diapers (nappies), size N
Alcohol-free, scent-free baby wipes
Diaper cream with zinc to treat rash; with petroleum as barrier to wetness (modern diapers do this really well, though)
Baby fingernail scissors and toe-nail clippers (buy separately not as part of kit)
Onesies or wraparound tops (vests)
3 swaddling blankets, best size was 40″ square in cotton flannel (rectangle is harder to swaddle, smaller than 35″ impossible to swaddle)
Bassinette/Co-Sleeper
A few newborn-sized sleepers (babygros), with zippers rather than snaps for easier changes. Zippers/snaps down both legs is MUCH easier to change. Some parents like the open-bottom nightgowns for easier night changing, but I found these bothered the babies; too unrestrictive.
Sleepsack if house is cold.
Bundle Me if weather is cold
Light, jersey-knit hat, even in warm weather
Baby mittens, not just for cool weather but to protect baby’s face from scratches till you can trim fingernails
Sling
Electronic thermometer for mouth, underarm or rectum, NOT ear
Bouncer
Soap: Dove Sensitive Skin
Very small, tight-fitting socks, or footed sleepers. Booties get kicked off immediately
Hooded towel and washcloth (smaller and softer than adult ones)
Baby monitor (OK, this is the crazy expensive one, but I swear we’ve spent so much on the Fisher-Price ones that always break that this one sounds dreamy)
Nursing pillow (The embarrassingly named My Brest Friend was my favorite from birth to six months)
Glider
For mom:
Nursing bra
Nursing pads
Lanolin cream
Healing pads
Sanitary napkins for postpartum bleeding, even after C-section
Hemorrhoid pads if vaginal birth
Easy-access pajamas for nursing
Ibuprofen
Stool softener (NOT bulk-forming laxative–different things!)
Didn’t need right away:
Pacifier, bottles and breast pump–not till weight gain established and nursing routine in place–two to four weeks
Stroller (Buggy or Pram) Depends on weather, but we didn’t use till 10 days; Zoopers have good built-in features
Rattles and other toys
Crib and crib mattress (four or five months)
Infant Tylenol and Ibuprofen
Outfits–buy next size from NB, (often labelled 3M or 0-3M)
Robeez (aka sock-keepers-on)
Two more hooded towels and washcloths
Boppy, for tummy time, sitting support, and for nursing older infant
Front carrier
Didn’t really need:
Special burp cloths (muslins); could have used dish towels; should’ve used black dish towels
Baby shampoo; our kids were born bald, plus Dove Sensitive Skin soap worked fine
Baby brush and comb; regular ones worked fine
Stuffed animals: most had choking hazard, also hard to keep clean, only a few ever made the cut to “lovey”
Changing pad cover; could use towels or one of myriad baby blankets
Gas drops; who knows if they work
Baby bathtub; could have just used kitchen sink. Newborns don’t need frequent baths.
Tiny drool bibs; needed food bibs at about six months
Didn’t need ever:
Crib bedding other than sheet
Mobile
Most items in baby emergency kit
What to Expect books
Gum numbing gel
Agree? Disagree? Did I forget anything?
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:35 am
Oooh, I hate those What to Expect books. I was diagnosed with IUGR, and the What to Expect said the condition ceased when the mom stopped using drugs and alcohol. Because, yeah, that’s what caused it for me. Or not really not even at all, and only caused me more guilt and grief. My book preference was Spock.
We did need lots of burp clothes (GIRD baby), but we used inexpensive cloth diapers which worked wonderfully. One packed we needed right away, then bought many more later. Now he still uses them (three years old) as his loveys–and we have 40 of them or so.
Otherwise, I completely agree.
August 2nd, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Hi there! I really like your blog — especially the name. (I recently saw the Nancy Drew movie with my daughter and loved it since I was such a Nancy Drew freak when I was a kid.) Anyway, as far as your new mom list goes, the only thing I’d recommend as a very, very necessary item would be a book on postpartum depression. Too many new moms are sent home from the hospital without a clue (no pun intended here!) of what PPD is, how the symptoms manifest, and what in the world to do about it. The book that saved me when I suffered horribly from PPD after my third baby is called “Postpartum Survival Guide” by Ann Dunnewold. This was back in 1996, but I heard that the book has been revised and republished this year. Anyway, to me, the knowledge/awareness of PPD is way more important than nursing pads or burp cloths any day. Simply knowing what to expect and how to prevent it from happening again, allowed me to have an awesome postpartum with my fourth baby.
I’m going to read more of your blog now — it’s great! It was Jack Vinson, who I just met at the Blogher conference who suggested that I stop by.
Best,
Kristin
http://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
August 3rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm
It’s so fitting that discussion on what you need for motherhood ranges from the sublime to the ridiculous, the sacred to the mundane.
Kate, about the cloth diaper burp rags, I got those, too, and still use them. They make fab bibs for Guppy since they’re big, tie-able in the back, and washable. But they stain, and I can use our existing dishtowels and wash cloths interchangeably, so if I were to do it again, I might skip them and just get more dishtowels so I would have one fewer laundry pile.
Kristin, you are so right that knowing about PPD is far more important than having burp cloths. Burp cloths are a lot easier to improvise on than mental health. The book idea is good, and I’d also recommend deputizing a friend who’s been through it to check up weekly with the new mom and see how her anger/sadness/fatigue levels are, since things can get really tough really fast.
August 8th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
I would like to add that, very soon after you returned from the hospital with Drake and IMMEDIATELY with Guppy, you had your FAMILY there to love and support you. I would think this should be in the ‘must have’ list.
August 11th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I wrote this recently to a friend who is expecting, since I didn’t know what I needed after having Drake, and had such wonderful support from my families before, during and after having Guppy:
What you’ll need after baby is likely someone to procure/make food,
someone to do laundry and clean, and someone to hold the baby and let
you nap, and who will give the baby back so you can bond with it. This
does not have to be one person. A pp doula is a great idea. My moms
group provides meals for moms post baby. You also will want time alone with your new
family, so establishing a safe word in advance that means “please leave
now” might be helpful if requested and explained in advance.
Extended visits by anyone can be exhausting. It helps to limit visits to
one unit at a time, e.g., parents, sibling or in-laws, not a combination,