The jeans conundrum
As I have noted before, the purpose of jeans is to make your ass look good.
For many women, including myself, the way to do this is to make the ass look smaller. One of the most effective ways to make an ass look smaller is to reduce its surface area, and the most effective means for this is the low-rise jean. Less jean on the ass looks like less ass, period.
The problem, however, is that not everyone should wear low-rise jeans. Like the stirrup pant, that fashion staple of bygone days, low-rise jeans are a privilege, not a right.
(If anyone reading this still has a pair of stirrup pants in your wardrobe, please stop reading, RIGHT NOW, go get them and put them in your Goodwill pile.)
While covering less ass is a good strategy for making one’s ass look less large, it also uncovers more ass. For many of us, this is a problem. How big a problem? It depends. It can range from annoyance at having to wear low-rise underwear to full-blown anxiety at how much ass-crack you’re flashing when you bend over.
Additionally, if you have a wiseass, active toddler like my son Drake, then you may also have to guard against small, cold hands being pressed into the small of your back when there’s a gap showing. Yowza, that’s a shock.
Today, I decided that full-coverage was more important than ass-minimizing. In one quick, half-hour trip to Old Navy, I not only found a pair of jeans that fit and that sat at the waist, but that didn’t cost a bundle. I sit, secure in the knowledge that my ass may look large, but it’s completely covered. Today, that is the lesser of the two evils.
December 13th, 2004 at 8:14 am
Have you SEEN the fake TV commercial on “Saturday Night Live,” for the “Mom Jeans?” It’s pretty awful… and I mean that in a good way.
December 13th, 2004 at 2:39 pm
I cannot remember when I last watched SNL. Isn’t Saturday Night Live on at 11? Drake has been waking at 5:30 a.m. lately, so I am always reminded of why turning out the lights past 11 is a bad, bad thing.
Yes, there’s Tivo, but isn’t Tivo-ing a live show hypocritical, oxymoronic, or both?