Grill Trouble
For Fathers Day, I got G. Grod a chimney starter for the charcoal grill our neighbor kindly gave to us. Since I’d never used a chimney starter, and all recipes said they took 20 to 30 minutes to ready the briquettes, I figured I should start prepping before G. Grod got home from work, or we’d be eating past Drake and Guppy’s bedtimes.
I had this lovely, rose-tinged picture in my head that Guppy would play quietly in the backyard, while I got Drake to help with the briquettes, and then both would be well away by the time any fire was involved.
I can be such a moron.
First, I didn’t realize the grill was full of ash. Both Drake and Guppy were fascinated by this. I tried to involve Drake in the cleanup, but while my attention was diverted, Guppy rushed in, grabbed a handful of ash, and stuffed it in his mouth.
Unwilling to abandon my mission, I started throwing balls across the yard to get Guppy to chase them. Yes, like Seth Rogen did in Knocked Up, I was playing fetch with my child.
Drake loves numbers, so I asked him to help me count out the briquettes. He so enjoyed throwing them into the starter, though, that he quickly lost count. Further, when he discovered that his hands were blackened by the charcoal (”Cool!) he rubbed his arms and legs with briquettes. I did finally manage to get the starter filled, and keep Drake and Guppy away while I lit it. I then hustled them both inside.
I snapped at Drake not to touch anything till we got to the shower to wash him off. No surprise, there were little black handprints all the way to the bathroom. I did get him clean eventually.
By the time G. Grod arrived, the briquettes were ready to go. He looked at me in disbelief.
“I didn’t expect you to start it till I got here.”
Somehow, I was not able to summon any pride in the accomplishment.
“We’re never grilling again,” I spit out, to his amusement.