Girl Detective

I gave myself reading challenges last year and this year because I felt like I was not making enough time for one of my favorite pursuits. I demonstrated, at least to myself, that having one small child, and then another, did not mean I had to stop reading. I kept reading, though I did have to make changes, like lowering my expectations on how clean my house was, how frequently laundry was done, how many magazines I subscribed to, how much time I spent on other hobbies, and how much television I watched.

But after a year and a half of devouring books at a healthy clip, I’ve been brought up short. It’s discouraging and humbling. I returned two books from my library request list unread, and am probably going to return an unread new purchase to the store as well. I’ve been plodding through the same book for over two weeks now, and probably only read one book before that this month.

Our family has been hard hit by viruses and sleep deprivation, plus there was a business trip and family visit. I’m hoping the sudden downturn is circumstantial, and will pass. There are too many books I want to read for one book a month to feel like it’s much better than nothing.

One of the memorable sequences from the movie Reality Bites was when the main character, played by Winona Ryder, is asked to define irony. Stymied, she finally blurts, “I know it when I see it!”

A few years later, Alanis Morrissette would have a hit with “The Ironic Song”, though many people commented correctly that some of her examples weren’t ironic, they just sucked.

Dictionary.com says “The essential feature of irony is the indirect presentation of a contradiction between an action or expression and the context in which it occurs.” Wikipedia quotes the American Heritage Dictionary that irony is not “unfortunate coincidences or surprising disappointments that ’suggest no particular lessons about human vanity or folly.’”

This all leaves me wondering. Last week I commented to a friend that I was feeling ground down by the ongoing viruses in the family, as well as the menial childcare tasks like changing poopy diapers. A few days later, Baby Guppy had to go to the emergency room, and was prescribed an antibiotic that caused diarrhea. As I wrote earlier, it likely was a virus, so the antibiotic was probably not necessary.

So which, if any, of these is ironic? I think the new virus and increase in soiled diapers are ironic; I learned that I didn’t have things so bad beforehand. The probably-useless antibiotic, though? I think that one likely just sucks.

This quote by Zadie Smith was excerpted at Boing Boing.

But the problem with readers, the idea we’re given of reading is that the model of a reader is the person watching a film, or watching television. So the greatest principle is, “I should sit here and I should be entertained.” And the more classical model, which has been completely taken away, is the idea of a reader as an amateur musician. An amateur musician who sits at the piano, has a piece of music, which is the work, made by somebody they don’t know, who they probably couldn’t comprehend entirely, and they have to use their skills to play this piece of music. The greater the skill, the greater the gift that you give the artist and that the artist gives you. That’s the incredibly unfashionable idea of reading. And yet when you practice reading, and you work at a text, it can only give you what you put into it. It’s an old moral, but it’s completely true.

It’s a lovely reminder that reading is a skill, and one to be practiced over a lifetime. I frequently heard a dismissive “I didn’t like it” when I taught college composition and asked my students to read an essay. This often meant “I didn’t understand it.” But I’ve heard the same phrase and the same dismissal in disappointing book discussions, when the other readers don’t engage with the text. I heard Cold Mountain called too long, and The God of Small Things too depressing.

When I don’t like a book, I often engage MORE with the text, not less. (See this at Chicklit for an example.) I struggle to ascertain what it is that disappointed me. As I’ve grown as a reader, my criticism has become more complex, just as my interaction with the text has.

I can’t help the uncharitable part of me, though, that wonders if I’m reading too much into the quote. I think it implies Smith thinks she is an artist of great skill who can’t be comprehended entirely by readers. But I’ll squash the part of me that thinks so, and just appreciate her insight into reading.

#63 in my book challenge for the year was To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Learn from my experience: do not re-read your high-school copy. Read an unmarked copy as an adult, and see how your experience of the book is different (or the same) from what you remember. My initial feeling as I read the book was that it was good, but obvious, and that’s why it’s taught in high school. At the end and after discussion, though, I did find the book had more depth than I’d seen at first. It’s overtly about race, but less obviously about class, gender, and the unpleasant, all-too-human tendencies most people harbor under the surface. It’s an indictment of public school education, and of conventional parenting. Its characters change and grow. This book was well worth revisiting, especially after re-reading In Cold Blood.

Baby Guppy had a cold. Then he got an ear infection and was treated with amoxicillin. Then a week went by and he spiked a fever. I assumed he’d had a recurrence of the ear infection. But his ears were clear, as was his chest, but his white blood cell count was high, suggesting a bacterial infection. While we waited for the results of various cultures, he was treated with another antibiotic. He kept being feverish and waking at night, but was happy during the day and when he was fever free. Yesterday, the doc said if he was still feverish today to bring him in. He was at midnight, so we gave him ibuprofen. And that seemed to end the fever.

And then, I spotted some spots. A rash.

D’oh.

Roseola. A virus. High fevers for 3 days or so, then fever breaks, a rash erupts, then goes away, the end. That’s what it probably was.

Still no explanation for the high white count, but the rest seems to be explained.

Drake had this once, and I feel like I should have recognized it again as the non-serious virus it was. The problem (ha! as if there’s only one) is that there is never one cause. Is the fever viral? Bacterial? Is the night waking due to teeth? The answers are rarely clear and definite, though the roseola rash provides a quick retro-diagnosis. I feel like I’m on an episode of House where they never figure out what’s wrong.

Life seems to be leading me lately, rather than me leading a life. Sometimes, I end up with pie. Other times, I end up in the emergency room.

Bad news first. I’ve been telling myself that I’ll get rest once the family is well again. One or more of us has been sick since the end of September. Normally good-natured baby Guppy seems to have an infection, cause unknown. He’s been feverish, fussy, and has long periods of only wanting to be held, and only by G. Grod and me. We didn’t dither on getting him to the doc, but after an ear exam and a chest xray, he had to go to the ER for further tests, which are so far inconclusive.

But about the pie. Last week, I prepared to roast a butternut squash to then puree and freeze for Guppy. But I figured I might as well roast the other two squashes I had, which I’d been using as decorations. One was a hubbard, the other a small pie pumpkin. So I roasted them and pureed the butternut, and the hubbard, and added pumpkin pie spices to the pumpkin when I realized that there was so much of it that I could freeze some for the baby and make a pie with the rest. So I did. And the good news and the bad news are that the pie was awesome. Moist, smooth, silky. I did not, though, want to learn that making pumpkin pie from scratch results in a delicious pie. I’d lived my life up to this point operating under the blissful assumption that making pie from canned pumpkin was just as good and far easier than using fresh pumpkin.

In the case of the pie, though, at least I had a delicious dessert as consolation for hard work, lots of mess, and the disintegration of a life-long belief. But unless Guppy is fever-free by tomorrow, there are more doctor appointments, waiting rooms and tests in our future. I’m having trouble seeing the upside.

I like to invent theories about things. One recent one was that babies aren’t ready for solid food till they get their first tooth. Yet baby Guppy took to solids immediately at six months and only recently got his first tooth at just over nine months. So that theory was disproved. But I noticed that even though he scarfed down purees, he wasn’t able to handle soft pieces of solid food, like banana or Os. He gagged the few times I gave them to him prior to the appearance of his tooth. But after the tooth, he’s had no problem. So my new theory is that babies aren’t ready to move beyond purees till they get a tooth, which signals the ability to chew, or at least actively gum, bits of solid food.

Baby Guppy is no longer content to stay where we put him, and this is also true for his changing table. I put him on his back to change his diaper, and he flips over to his tummy, then tries to crawl off the table. Diaper changes are an unpleasant fact of life, made more difficult when I have to employ strong-arm tactics.

And yet another example of how ridiculous it is when people insist that babies have built-in survival mechanisms. Babies don’t always act in their own best interests, which is why it’s good they have these things called parents.

#50 in my movie challenge for the year was The Matador, with Pierce Brosnan, Greg Kinnear, and Hope Davis, who are all very good in this. It’s darkly funny, slightly strange, and good, but not great. Brosnan plays an aging assassin, and Kinnear is the nice guy who accidentally befriends him. It was enjoyable, and playfully subverted Brosnan’s more usual role of the distinguished leading man.

Baby Guppy finally stopped pivoting on his considerable belly and is crawling at 9m+. He is also using the pincer grasp to pick up things. Both of these are typical developmental milestones. What’s discouraging is that he’s combining these to move away from where I set him, then pick things up off the floor and put them in his mouth. I caught him eating individual coffee grounds yesterday. I’m pretty sure those aren’t recommended for babies.

Here’s what’s on the menu this year at our house. Most recipes below, with attributions. The tenderloin and sweet potato recipes are in the current issue of Cook’s Country.

Oven-Roasted Tenderloin with Parmesan Herb Crust
Creamy Mashed Potatoes
Corn Muffins
Savory Corn Pudding
Sugar-Glazed Roasted Carrots
Deviled Eggs
Mashed Sweet Potatoes
Impossible Pumpkin Pie

Creamy Mashed Potatoes, from Cook’s Country 10/2006

This recipe can be cut in half, if desired. Serves 8 to 10
4 pounds Yukon Gold potato , peeled
12 tablespoons unsalted butter , cut into 6 pieces
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
2 teaspoons Salt

1. Cut potatoes into 3/4-inch slices. Place potatoes in colander and rinse under running water, tossing with hands, for 30 seconds. Transfer potatoes to Dutch oven, add water to cover by 1 inch, and bring to boil over high heat. Reduce heat to medium and boil until potatoes are tender, 20 to 25 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, heat butter and heavy cream in small saucepan over medium heat until butter is melted, about 5 minutes. Keep warm.

3. Drain potatoes and return to Dutch oven. Stir over low heat until potatoes are thoroughly dried, 1 to 2 minutes. Set ricer or food mill (see box below) over large bowl and press or mill potatoes into bowl. Gently fold in warm cream mixture and salt with rubber spatula until cream is absorbed and potatoes are thick and creamy. Serve.

Savory Corn Pudding, Cook’s Country 12/2005

Serves 8 to 10
1 tablespoon unsalted butter , softened, for greasing casserole dish
Table salt
6 cups frozen corn
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
6 large eggs , lightly beaten
1 1/2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1 tablespoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

1. Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease 2-quart casserole dish with butter. Bring large kettle of water to boil for water bath. Bring 2 quarts water to boil in large saucepan for corn.

2. Add 1 tablespoon salt and corn to boiling water and cook for 1 minute. Drain in colander and dry with paper towels. Pulse 4 cups corn in food processor until rough puree forms, about ten 1-second pulses. Transfer to large bowl and stir in remaining whole corn, 1 teaspoon salt, cream, eggs, cheese, sugar, cayenne, and basil until combined.

3. Pour corn mixture into casserole and transfer dish to roasting pan. Pour boiling water from kettle into roasting pan until it comes halfway up sides of casserole dish. Place roasting pan in oven and bake until pudding is set and a few brown spots appear around edges, 40 to 45 minutes. Remove casserole from water bath, transfer to wire rack, and let set for 5 to 10 minutes before serving.

Make Ahead:

The corn can be cooked, processed, and mixed with the whole corn, salt, cream, cheese, sugar, and cayenne up to 2 days in advance. Refrigerate until ready to use, then stir in the eggs and basil when ready to cook.

Sugar-Glazed Roasted Carrots, Cook’s Country 2/2006

If the carrots have very narrow tips, trim the thin ends; they scorch easily.

Serves 4 to 6
1 1/2 pounds medium carrots , peeled and cut into 2 by 1/2-inch pieces, (see related Tip)
2 tablespoons unsalted butter , melted
1 tablespoon dark brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon table salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1. Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 475 degrees. Heat rimmed baking sheet in oven for 10 minutes.

2. Toss carrots, melted butter, sugar, salt, and pepper in medium bowl until thoroughly combined. Remove pan from oven and place carrots in single layer on hot baking sheet. Roast until carrots are beginning to brown on bottom, about 15 minutes.

3. Remove pan from oven, toss carrots to redistribute, and continue to roast until tender and deep amber in color, about 3 minutes. Serve.

Deviled Eggs, Cook’s Country 4/2006

To center the yolks, turn the carton of eggs on its side in the refrigerator the day before you plan to cook the eggs.

Makes 1 dozen filled halves
6 large eggs
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 tablespoon sour cream
1/2 teaspoon distilled white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon spicy brown mustard (such as Gulden’s)
1/4 teaspoon sugar
1/8 teaspoon table salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

1. Place eggs in medium saucepan, cover with 1 inch of water, and bring to boil over high heat. Remove pan from heat, cover, and let stand 10 minutes. Meanwhile, fill medium bowl with 1 quart water and 1 dozen ice cubes. Pour off water from saucepan and gently shake pan back and forth to crack shells. Transfer eggs to ice water with slotted spoon and let cool 5 minutes.

2. Peel eggs and slice in half lengthwise. Transfer yolks to fine-mesh sieve and use spatula to press them through sieve and into bowl. Add remaining ingredients, mashing mixture against sides of bowl until smooth.

3. Arrange whites on serving platter and fill with yolk mixture, mounding filling about 1/2 inch above whites. Serve immediately.

Make Ahead

You can make the deviled eggs up to 2 days ahead. Wrap the peeled egg-white halves tightly with a double layer of plastic wrap and place the filling in a zipper-lock plastic bag (squeezing out all the air). Refrigerate until ready to fill and serve.

Corn Muffins, Cook’s Illustrated 9/2002

Whole-grain cornmeal has a fuller flavor than regular cornmeal milled from degerminated corn. To determine what kind of cornmeal a package contains, look closely at the label.

Makes 12 muffins
2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour (10 ounces)
1 cup fine-ground, whole-grain yellow cornmeal (4 1/2 ounces)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon table salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup granulated sugar (5 1/4 ounces)
8 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 stick), melted
3/4 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk

1. Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 400 degrees. Spray standard muffin tin with nonstick cooking spray.

2. Whisk flour, cornmeal, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in medium bowl to combine; set aside. Whisk eggs in second medium bowl until well combined and light-colored, about 20 seconds. Add sugar to eggs; whisk vigorously until thick and homogenous, about 30 seconds; add melted butter in 3 additions, whisking to combine after each addition. Add half the sour cream and half the milk and whisk to combine; whisk in remaining sour cream and milk until combined. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients; mix gently with rubber spatula until batter is just combined and evenly moistened. Do not over-mix. Using an ice cream scoop or large spoon, divide batter evenly among muffin cups, dropping it to form mound. Do not level or flatten surface of mounds.

3. Bake until muffins are light golden brown and skewer inserted into center of muffins comes out clean, about 18 minutes, rotating muffin tin from front to back halfway through baking time. Cool muffins in tin 5 minutes; invert muffins onto wire rack, stand muffins upright, cool 5 minutes longer, and serve warm.

Impossible Pumpkin Pie

1 15-oz. can pumpkin
1 1/2 c. milk, or 1 13-oz. can evaporated milk
1/2 c. biscuit/pancake mix or 1/2 c. flour plus 3/4 tsp. baking powder
1 c. sugar
2 Tbl. butter, melted then cooled
2 large eggs, beaten
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. ground cloves

Preheat oven to 350F. Grease a 9-inch glass or Pyrex pie plate.

Place all ingredients in blender; blend for 2 minutes. Pour mixture into pie plate and bake for about an hour, or till center is set and tester comes out clean. Cool. Serve with vanilla or ginger ice cream, or vanilla or maple whipped cream.

My doc confirms that I am doing much better with my post-partum depression. It was good to get her perspective, since I’ve seen her every couple weeks. Two visits ago, I had several of the symptoms of PPD. Last visit, I was better, but had trouble concentrating, not least because I had both boys with me. This time, I only took Guppy, but my concentration was much improved. I still feel periodically angry and constantly tired, but those are normal, given that I’m the primary caregiver for a 3yo and a 9mo.

Is parenting one long string of “I swore I’d never do/say that”? Sometimes it feels like it. Yesterday I locked up the books in Drake’s room. He stopped napping a while back, and instead would page through many of his books. But he’s been sick and slow to recover, and I suspected that he needed the rest more than the reading. So I locked his book closet and removed other distractions from his room. Lo and behold, he slept. I know better, though, than to exult over a one-time occurrence. I did it again today, and he has been singing for 25 minutes.

I mentioned in one of my last posts that I wouldn’t be getting to books on my shelf for a while. Pages Turned lists authors on her shelf that she has two books by, but hasn’t yet read. While I’ve got two, and sometimes even three, unread books by certain authors, I have usually read something else by them.

Authors I haven’t read with two or more on the TBR pile :

Peter Ackroyd
Patricia Highsmith (an omnibus of three Ripley novels)
Vernor Vinge

Authors I’ve read with two or more books on the TBR pile:

Julian Barnes
Lois McMaster Bujold
Angela Carter
Paula Fox
Mary Gaitskill
Ernest Hemingway
Iris Murdoch
Philip Pullman
Neal Stephenson
David Foster Wallace
P. G. Wodehouse

Additionally, I have six books (of eight) from Persephone that I haven’t yet read.

My husband G. Grod and I were at our wits end last weekend with Drake’s behavior. He threw extravagant tantrums (e.g., a twenty minute one on the front lawn of church), he did WWF-style body slams on baby Guppy, he hit and kicked us repeatedly, and he laughed when we punished him by taking away his cars or giving him a time out. Things were so out of hand that I even checked out parenting books from the library, something I have avoided almost entirely until now.

Then on Tuesday, I picked him up from pre-school, and the teacher and his friend’s mother said he’d complained that his ear hurt. I’d been asking for days if it did; he always said no. So I made an appointment for him and found that the ear he wasn’t complaining about was infected, and the one he WAS complaining about was not only infected, but had a blister on his eardrum. I didn’t know whether to be happy that he told SOMEBODY, even if it wasn’t me, or aggravated with the proof against the parental platitude of “oh, when they’re older it’s easier because they can tell you what’s wrong.” But I was definitely relieved that there was an explanation for the downturn in behavior. After a few days of antibiotics, though, I’m still wishing for a more dramatic upswing.

Well, I must admit, I’m full of it. For all my passionate protest that I was going to limit my library request queue and instead read books on the shelf, I have one library book (One Good Turn by Kate Atkinson, so I’d like to re-read Case Histories, which I read from the library and then bought because I loved) at home, another in at the library that I AM going to pick up and read (Special Topics in Calamity Physics, because I don’t want to miss all the discussion, and everyone’s reading it), plus I’m going to see Isabel Allende, so I got one of her books from the library and bought her newest from Target because it was on sale. A friend just lent me a book. Plus there’s Siblings Without Rivalry, that I got from the library since Drake has finally figured out that whomping on Guppy bothers G. Grod and me, or Dickens A Christmas Carol, which my book group is reading for December.

I’m full of it because I’m (mostly) unrepentant. I’m going to read my library books. More damning, I went to my queue, intending to delete all forthcoming books, but I could only delete one. I found myself incapable of deleting The Thirteenth Tale, since I’ve read that it’s such fun, and I’m 25th on the list. I also didn’t delete Mockingbird, since I just finished To Kill a Mockingbird, and want to know more.

So that’s ten books, none of which are shelf sitters. Worse, there are only six weeks left in the year, and my reading rate has slowed considerably with fall tv and changes in Guppy’s nursing patterns. I may not get to a shelf book till well into the new year.

G. Grod, Drake and Guppy have ear infections and are in various stages of an amoxicillin regimen. Baby Guppy is teething. We’re all rather grumpy.

Years ago, I was having dinner at a friend’s house, when I saw a flyer on her refrigerator for a book group. I thought the list of books looked good, and I was excited at the idea of getting together with people to discuss them. “Hey,” I asked, “Can I join this?” Another woman standing behind me, not yet my good friend, said, “Yes, I’d like to as well.” We were both invited to join, but we had to read Isabel Allende’s House of the Spirits in a few days. The other woman managed to finish; I did not. But both of us were members of that group until we moved. It was a good book group, not the kind people make fun of. We always discussed the book. One of the standards for choosing books was that they be challenging. There was good food and drink. And it was a good community of support made up of women from different disciplines.

This week a friend said she had an extra ticket to go see Allende at the Fitzgerald on Friday night. I’m not sure if I’m just going to the reading, or to my friend’s book group meeting too, but they’re on two different books. Allende is speaking for the Talking Volumes group on her newest novel, Ines of my Soul. But my friend’s book group read Zorro. So once again I find myself trying to cram in a lot of Allende in just a few days.

After three false starts, my writing group says I’m on the right track with my latest draft. Attempt #1 was my draft from NaNoWriMo ‘04, #2 was modifying that to a single character, #3 was making that a four-person narrative, and now attempt #4 at novel #2 is something completely different. The three previous attempts are shelved, perhaps permanently. If I’m lucky, some stuff may work its way into this manuscript, or a future one.

I attended a panel discussion on writing at the Minneapolis Central library earlier this week. Sandra Benitez said she’d once written 50 pages that she’d had to junk. I’m fairly chagrined at the 200+ pages I have to junk, but it’s a huge relief to feel I’m finally on the right track.

The other writers on the panel were Judith Guest, her daughter-in-law Patricia Weaver Francisco, and Kate DiCamillo. Absent was Allison McGhee. All are part of a ten-person writing group, though they claim not to talk about writing, ever.

“We drink,” quipped DiCamillo, who also subverted her children’s book author persona by reading from an adult short story.

“_Adult_ adult?” asked Guest, in mock horror.

DiCamillo denied it, but the excerpt she read contained not only profanity (”I used ‘asshole’ so you know I mean business,” she joked) but a 60-foot tall sculpture of a knight that she described as “erect.” The suggestive adjective was one that Charlotte Bronte used several times in Jane Eyre, a book DiCamillo also evoked in her Newbery-award book The Tale of Despereaux, with her direct addresses to the reader.

The panel was fun, though superficial, and the few things I took away were only implied: writing is easier without kids, or when kids are older. Minnesota is a good place for a transplanted writer to live. And a late start isn’t a barrier to writing success.

Season 3 of Veronica Mars doesn’t hold the same thrill for me as did Season 1, but it’s still pretty entertaining. Last week, I noted that the TA’s hair was weird, and he might be a woman, and in that case couldn’t be the rapist. Boy did I feel silly for making that assumption when he told Veronica smugly that there had been no DNA evidence in the case yet.

With the disclaimer that I’m terrible at predicting things on shows, I will venture to guess that the TA was not born with male DNA and male parts. Either he’s a pseudo-hermaprodite (male DNA, but physically more female looking than male) or he was born with female DNA and has either undergone reassignment treatment (hormones and/or surgery) or cross dresses in order to identify as a male.

Just because he’s not what he seems doesn’t mean he’s the villain, though, and I hope he’s not. I have no problem with making B-movie actors (Harry Hamlin and Steve Gutenberg) the bad guys, as they were in Seasons 1 and 2. But a transsexual as the villain just adds to the objectification and vilification of an already marginalized group.

Logan’s mysterious announcement at the end of the last episode made me roll my eyes and hope that he was with another girl. Long ago I loved the chemistry between them. Now they bore me. My favorite couple on TV now is Helo and Athena from Battlestar Galactica.

And speaking of TV couples, I’m suspicious of how Bones can progress and not kill the chemistry between the leads. Did anyone else feel last week’s Vegas episode felt like something out of Angel? Maybe it was the goofiness.