The 2011 Candy Hierarchy

From my husband for Halloween, Boing Boing has an updated, spottily scientific Candy Hierarchy.


Bit-o-Honey, for example, might be called a lower tier member, but why bother? It says to your trick-or-treaters, “Here, I don’t care, just take this.” The lesson of Bit-o-Honey is: you lose. Goo Goo clusters, too. You’re making a social statement–”I hate you and everything you represent”–when you give these out.

First of all, what the heck does post-tertiary mean especially as it’s situated between top and second tier? Tertiary means third. Perhaps it’s an Anglicism. I encourage reading the comments to get global perspectives on candy, such as Cadbury’s v. Hershey’s, different names for items, etc. From its placement, I’d guess post-tertiary means, almost as good.

I recently threw away a few pounds worth of old candy from a. Halloween 2010 b. Easter 2011 c. Fourth of July 2011, and will use this in my analysis:

Top Tier: Take 5s, most anything with dark chocolate, full-size bar

Post Tertiary (runners up) Dum Dums cream soda lollipops, root beer bottle caps, those round, red and white striped peppermints, Twix, mini Snickers, mini Milky Way Midnights

The Middle (i.e. stuff my kids will eat that I don’t bother with: milk chocolate, Crunch, smarties, Starburst, butterfinger, reese’s cups)

Bottom: cheap pencils from the dollar aisle Target, unmarked candy of any sort, things in waxy wrappers (Mary Jane’s, brown blobs in orange or brown wrappers, bit o’honey, tootsie rolls.)


2 Responses to “The 2011 Candy Hierarchy”

  1. Jennifer Reese Says:

    Your middle is my top tier. It would be terrible if we all liked the same Halloween candy.
    I’ve always loved Bit-o-Honey.

  2. Patricia Says:

    Where do small bags of potato chips fit it? The bottom? That is what they give out in Canada. Potato Chips? Seriously? It was decided here that a pencil and a religious track might even beat potato chips.