Literary Deal Breakers, and Makers
Rachel Donadio’s recent back page essay in the NYT book section on literary deal breakers got a lot of comments, and a lot of linkage.
Anyone who cares about books has at some point confronted the Pushkin problem: when a missed – or misguided – literary reference makes it chillingly clear that a romance is going nowhere fast. At least since Dante’s Paolo and Francesca fell in love over tales of Lancelot, literary taste has been a good shorthand for gauging compatibility.
Like most bookish bloggers, I could rattle off books or authors that make me cringe. It’s too easy, though, and really, too potentially offensive. As soon as I say I hate x, someone else would say they loved it, or at least didn’t hate it.
More fun, I think, are literary dealMAKERs. My friend LXN worked in a bookstore, and when my soon-to-be friend Thalia asked if they had any Diana Wynne Jones, they bonded about Dogsbody, and Thalia got invited to a potluck at LXN’s. At that party, Thalia and I both saw the list of books for LXN’s book group, and asked to join. On my first date with now-husband G. Grod, he saw Watchmen and Sandman graphic novels on my shelf, and knew we were off to a promising start.
So the question I put to you is, what have been literary dealmakers for you, in friendship or in love?
April 9th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I don’t consider reading tastes in friendship or love.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:20 am
I once went on a blind date of a kind (City Pages personals) with a guy I had talked to on the phone a couple times. We shared a lot of the same loves re. books and music and I was smitten. But an hour into the date, it became clear that he was a drug dealer. C’est la vie.
My husband tends to science fiction, which I don’t read much of, but when he does read “literary fiction” I find we share the same taste and sense of humor, e.g. Confederacy of Dunces, from which we read passages out loud to one another and broke into hysterics. An old friend of mine said he used this book as a friendship litmus test: if you “got” it, he’d like you. If not, well…
But we read this book for one of my bookclubs, and the six of us were about evenly split. I think part of the reason I have the friends I do is that I like people who are different than me, who have a different perspective, different tastes, and might turn me onto things I wouldn’t have come to on my own. On the other hand, there is something magical about talking with someone who loves exactly the book you love, especially an obscure or unusual book most people haven’t heard of — that “I grok you!” moment.
April 11th, 2008 at 7:43 am
I met my husband online and one of the things that made me agree to go out with him was that he listed “Into Thin Air” as the book he had most recently read. This was back in the late 90s when the book, and Everest were very popular. I had recently read the book myself and seeing it in his profile made me think we had a few things in common. I was also impressed that he actually listed a book at all in his profile - most people didn’t, and I couldn’t imagine dating somebody who didn’t like to read.
As it turns out, he probably hasn’t read a book SINCE “Into Thin Air”. I often tease him that he won me over with false advertising. The good thing is that while he really doesn’t ever read, he likes to hang out in bookstores to drink coffee and browse, so we’re a pretty good match even if he never cracks a book himself!
April 11th, 2008 at 7:58 am
I had a very special, unique reading relationship with my X. During happier times, I voraciously read all the military biographies and sagas he recommended: Ghost Soldiers, Not a Good Day to Die, 5 Years to Freedom, Bravo 2-0, Band of Brothers, Blackhawk Down etc. Though quite a man’s man, he WAS in touch with his feminine side and could be persuaded to read fiction books that I gushed on in order to share the experience with me: Angle of Repose, Cold Mountain, Plain Song, Nanny Diaries. I have fond memories of taking turns driving through the French country side, eating cheese and fresh salami and reading passages from Augusten Burroughs short story book “Magical Thinking” aloud to each other. We had to pull over a few times because we were laughing so hard. This was a particularly difficult time in our marriage, but we spent a month in Europe together reading to each other and talking about the books when we couldn’t really talk about anything else. Nothing too heavy: Devil Wears Prada, Magical Thinking, that kind of thing. Also on that trip, I finished reading “Lovely Bones” by Alice Seabold. It affected me deeply, and I asked him to read it too (and fast!) so I had someone to discuss it with. He did. And we cried in the exact same part, when Holliday shows up in Heaven. Ahhhh. It might have been the most intimate moment we had shared in years.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Years ago, after reading “A Christmas Carol” aloud together on a whim, we decided we’d try reading each other particular literary favorites. He started with Sinclair Lewis and “Elmer Gantry”, me with Austen and “Pride and Prejudice”.
Let’s just say this wasn’t the resounded success we hoped it would be but somehow we’ve stayed together.
Miraculous, I know. But there it is.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Umm . . . maybe I should attempt to proofread a comment before hitting “submit”. The comment above should have noted that I was talking of my husband and myself. Sorry about that.
April 11th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
What great stories! I think it’s funny how the trading of books in the early part of a relationship, whether by talking about them or lending them, is such a part of a bookish getting to know someone. I’ve found that more women think reading aloud to one another is romantic than do men.
What’s interesting about G. Grod and my reading now is that there’s little intersection. We both read constantly, but I like modern and Victorian fiction, he likes sci-fi, math and other stuff. We both read comics, but different ones. He reads Casanova, The Boys, and Warren Ellis among others. I read Buffy, Ex Machina, Fables and Castle Waiting. We both read Criminal and Immortal Iron Fist, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Ed Brubaker writes both.
April 12th, 2008 at 9:16 am
such great comments!
Until I’d read through many of them, I’d completely forgotten that I’d read aloud “The Hobbit” to my wife when we were dating.
As with you, my wife and I have rather divergent tastes. I tend to the sci-fi (and have recently begun dabbling in non-fiction) whereas she prefers the Victorian fiction and lots of romances with a little fantasy thrown in.
That’s not to say that I didn’t very much enjoy “Persuasion” and I suspect I’d love the rest of Austen if I could make the time (I certainly loved several of the movies). But lately I’ve been trying to broaden my horizons - I loved Blink and The Tipping Point by Gladwell and am working my way through Predictably Irrational by Ariely.
Being a math teacher, I’d be interested in knowing if G. Grod has any math ‘favorites’.