Girl Detective

I have a good friend who is expecting her first child. She recently had the “I don’t have what I need, wait, what do I need?” episode that I experienced as my due date loomed. She lives in England, though, where registries aren’t as common as they are in the US. In many ways, I think this is a good thing. The baby industry, like the wedding industry, sprang up to distract parents-to-be from the imminent life upheaval with shiny, pretty things. And, like all industries, it succeeds because it generates both perceived need and desire.

Looking back, I only needed to procure two things to bring baby Drake home: a securely installed, safe-rated infant car seat, and an outfit for him to wear. (Dan Savage echoes this in his adoption memoir The Kid, and says that everything else can be purchased on the way home.) Our hospital sent us home with many of the things we would need, but different hospitals have different practices. Here’s a list of the things I really needed in those first, bleary post-partum days (along with what I think are the English terms for them), as well as some of the things I didn’t need, either right away or ever.

Books:

Baby Bargains: for what to buy and when
Baby 411: simple answers to most questions

For home:

Unscented laundry detergent. Does not have to be Dreft, which is scented. Wash the first-use baby items beforehand if possible.

For baby:

Infant car seat
1 pack diapers (nappies), size N
Alcohol-free, scent-free baby wipes
Diaper cream with zinc to treat rash; with petroleum as barrier to wetness (modern diapers do this really well, though)
Baby fingernail scissors and toe-nail clippers (buy separately not as part of kit)
Onesies or wraparound tops (vests)
3 swaddling blankets, best size was 40″ square in cotton flannel (rectangle is harder to swaddle, smaller than 35″ impossible to swaddle)
Bassinette/Co-Sleeper
A few newborn-sized sleepers (babygros), with zippers rather than snaps for easier changes. Zippers/snaps down both legs is MUCH easier to change. Some parents like the open-bottom nightgowns for easier night changing, but I found these bothered the babies; too unrestrictive.
Sleepsack if house is cold.
Bundle Me if weather is cold
Light, jersey-knit hat, even in warm weather
Baby mittens, not just for cool weather but to protect baby’s face from scratches till you can trim fingernails
Sling
Electronic thermometer for mouth, underarm or rectum, NOT ear
Bouncer
Soap: Dove Sensitive Skin
Very small, tight-fitting socks, or footed sleepers. Booties get kicked off immediately
Hooded towel and washcloth (smaller and softer than adult ones)
Baby monitor (OK, this is the crazy expensive one, but I swear we’ve spent so much on the Fisher-Price ones that always break that this one sounds dreamy)
Nursing pillow (The embarrassingly named My Brest Friend was my favorite from birth to six months)
Glider

For mom:

Nursing bra
Nursing pads
Lanolin cream
Healing pads
Sanitary napkins for postpartum bleeding, even after C-section
Hemorrhoid pads if vaginal birth
Easy-access pajamas for nursing
Ibuprofen
Stool softener (NOT bulk-forming laxative–different things!)

Didn’t need right away:

Pacifier, bottles and breast pump–not till weight gain established and nursing routine in place–two to four weeks
Stroller (Buggy or Pram) Depends on weather, but we didn’t use till 10 days; Zoopers have good built-in features
Rattles and other toys
Crib and crib mattress (four or five months)
Infant Tylenol and Ibuprofen
Outfits–buy next size from NB, (often labelled 3M or 0-3M)
Robeez (aka sock-keepers-on)
Two more hooded towels and washcloths
Boppy, for tummy time, sitting support, and for nursing older infant
Front carrier

Didn’t really need:

Special burp cloths (muslins); could have used dish towels; should’ve used black dish towels
Baby shampoo; our kids were born bald, plus Dove Sensitive Skin soap worked fine
Baby brush and comb; regular ones worked fine
Stuffed animals: most had choking hazard, also hard to keep clean, only a few ever made the cut to “lovey”
Changing pad cover; could use towels or one of myriad baby blankets
Gas drops; who knows if they work
Baby bathtub; could have just used kitchen sink. Newborns don’t need frequent baths.
Tiny drool bibs; needed food bibs at about six months

Didn’t need ever:

Crib bedding other than sheet
Mobile
Most items in baby emergency kit
What to Expect books
Gum numbing gel

Agree? Disagree? Did I forget anything?

My friend JV emailed me, wondering if my elder was screaming more than my younger, as his were. I replied that I am painfully, head-splittingly familiar with this scenario. Drake, at nearly 4yo, screams frequently. His screams are like grenades that set off adjacent sound bombs in Guppy, and soon we’ve got a full-circle echo screamfest. That is usually the point at which I think despairingly, “I like quiet. My life used to be quiet.”

My husband, G. Grod, theorizes that it’s because Drake has recently begun thinking ahead to what he thinks is going to happen. When things don’t go his way, he has only limited vocab and emotional experience to deal with it, so he starts to scream out his frustration. In other words, G thinks that he’s learning the painful lesson that “expectations are pre-planned resentments”.

I’ve got a very bare toolbox for the screaming. I try to empathize, use a calm voice and ask for quiet politely.

The more I communicate with other people, and other parents, the more I realize how non-unique we are. Yeah, we’re all individuals, but at some level, in many ways, we’re not. As the cook notes in one of our favorite picture books, Two Eggs, Please, “Different, but the same.”

The author of the blog, Semicolon, shares her experience that parenting three kids is the apex of difficulty, and has a lovely end to the post:

The wonderful part of this story is that adding another and another and another never gets any harder than three. When you realize that it’s really, truly only by God’s grace that any of them survive to adulthood, that each child is a gift, and that the molding and shaping and even educating that parents do is somewhat limited in scope and influence, and that as a parent you are almost completely deficient in the skills, patience, and wisdom that are needed to parent these children . . . well, then you can begin to relax, do the best you can and depend on God to fill in the gaps.

I might substitute community, the universe, or family/friends for God, but I take her point, and I only have two children. For me, two is the number that is beyond my capability. I am humbly reminded on a daily basis that I do not have enough skill or patience to meet all the needs of the family, much less the attendant wants.

As I’ve noted before, there’s ALWAYS too much to do. It’s how I handle myself in the face of this, though, that makes a difference on a daily basis. Traveling with the kids, I’ve told myself to enjoy it when it goes well, and not flip out if it doesn’t. This advice also works on a larger level, if only I can remember it.

Thanks to my friend, Blogenheimer, for a few more informative HP7 links, both of which contain lots of spoilers if you haven’t yet read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Finished ‘Potter’? Rowling tells what happens next

Stop your sobbing! More Potter to come, in which Rowling says she might do a Harry Potter encyclopedia. I think that idea would be a lot of fun if she serialized it somewhere and collected it later. Further, I bet that would make it available sooner.

After I finally finished HP7, I wanted to talk about it.

For further nerdish obsessing, my friend Blogenheimer suggested the Slate book club discussion of Harry Potter (warning: spoilers abound!)

I found the Entertainment Weekly Harry Potter issue curiously un-nuanced and borderline sycophantic. I enjoyed it anyway, especially this spoiler-riffic FAQ about the book.

From the Eastside Food Co-op:

Our family attended this last year and the year before. We had good food, and a good time!

Don’t miss the Annual Corn Feed at the Northeast Farmers Market on Saturday, August 11, 2007 from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.

The Farmers Market is every Saturday morning through October from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. in the parking lot of St. Boniface Church at 7th and University NE.

It’s a great opportunity to shop, nosh a bit, spend time with your neighbors, and hear local music.

The Corn Feed features local corn at the peak of the season!

I’m in; how about you?

From Twin Cities Food Coop:

Eat Local Challenge to launch Aug. 15

You likely know the benefits of eating local food: it’s good for the local economy, the environment and for family farmers who adhere to sustainable farming techniques. Plus, you and your family enjoy food that’s fresher and more flavorful.

With so many good reasons to put local food on your family’s table, the 12 Twin Cities natural food co-ops are banding together and inviting their members, shoppers and community residents to take the Eat Local Challenge.

The challenge encourages community members to try to commit to consuming 80 percent of their diet — or four out of five food items–from local sources from Aug. 15 through Sept. 15 (a four-week period that just happens to be during peak harvest season for many produce items).

But don’t think strictly about fruit and vegetables. At your co-op, you’ll find a number of locally produced dairy, cheese, bakery, herbs and meat/poultry items as well. Just look for the round, green and black “Local” sticker or ask any co-op staff person for assistance.

We’re in the process of creating a number of in-store and online materials — including sample menus, shopping lists and in-season produce lists — to help you succeed. They’ll be available here and at your co-op by Aug. 13, so keep an eye out for them. Plus, we’re creating an online blog, which you’ll find on this website, so you can share your local food experience with others in the community.

We’re hoping this will be a fun, educational experience — one you may choose to continue beyond the “official” four-week challenge. And remember, there’s no contract to sign; it’s simply an honor-based system designed to help all of us make wise, thoughtful choices about the food we eat. So won’t you join us by taking the Eat Local Challenge?

I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I liked it. If you’d like to discuss, email me at

girl detective (all one word)

at

girl detective dot net

I was excited for today; I had many things I wanted to do. The boys were going to the babysitter, so I’d have the day to myself. Then Drake woke up whimpering and clutching his stomach. I told myself that it was because he was hungry (he eats so very little). He downed two glasses of milk, and has spent the morning vomiting them back up. The carpet, the stroller, and the couch have seen better days. And most of mine has been spent comforting him and cajoling him into the few things that might help. He’s dozing on the couch and I’m hoping that we aren’t in for a full 24 hours of this.

I’ve noted before that I’m remiss in reading things my husband G. Grod recommends to me. Last May, he forwarded me a link to an article at Salon about the Five Second Rule. In my defense, I was kinda busy. But a recent spate of articles about the five second rule reminded me that I needed to go back to the article at Salon, and I’m glad I did. I thought it was hilarious. Here’s a quick summary of the latest news on the 5-second rule (5SR):

In 2003, a high school student, Jillian Clarke, dropped gummy bears and pieces of cookie on smooth and rough tiles coated with E. coli. Food was contaminated in less than five seconds.

In April 2007, a group at Clemson published tests of bologna and bread on various surfaces contaminated with salmonella. Unsurprisingly, they found that contamination level depended on the type of surface, and the length of time of the food on the surface.

In May 2007, students at Connecticut College announced the results of their tests of wet apple slices and dry Skittles. They chose the college cafeteria floor as their bacterial environment. The apple slices showed bacteria after a minute, and the Skittles after five minutes.

Harold McGee at The New York Times formulated “the five-second rule, version 2.0: If you drop a piece of food, pick it up quickly, take five seconds to recall that just a few bacteria can make you sick, then take a few more to think about where you dropped it and whether or not it’s worth eating.”

After the Clemson study, Andrew Leonard at Salon saw the 5SR as a parenting tool, an “ability to create, in the person to whom these words are addressed, a sense of proportion and sanity and rough-and-ready competence to deal with the uncertainties and disappointments of life.”

Late to the party but pretending not to be (the Clemson study was published in April, not last month), Monica Hesse from The Washington Post notes that it’s not just about science, but sociology (how gross do you want to look to your friends), biology (how sick do you want to risk getting?), and situational ethics (how tasty is the food, and how nasty is the environment?)

My personal interpretation of the 5SR, which I’ve employed since I had Drake (many people mistakenly assume it’s the type of perspective that comes with a second child) is simply: is there visible dirt? If not, it’s good to go. Not scientific, but definitely practical.

Life Hack has a useful list of Ten Things for Concentration (Link from Scalzi’s Ficlets Blog)

I’m an aspiring writer, and a mother of two small children. I am easily distracted, and prone to feeling overwhelmed. This is a pithy list of good advice. I am heartened that I do many of these already: reduce noise, structure environment, isolate myself (I am typing this now on retreat, in a college dorm room by myself), try to get enough sleep, eat healthful foods, and avoid crappy ones.

This advice is not just useful for writers. It’s good for those who suffer from anxiety and stress, and for those who seek to simplify their lives.

1. Ron is stubborn
2. Hermione is bossy and intellectual
3. Harry is easily frustrated, prone to walk into traps because of his pride, and won’t confide in people. He frequently rails that Dumbledore doesn’t trust him, and doubts that the old wizard had affection for him.

How have these characters changed since book 1?

And finally,

4. There are rather a lot of people getting, um, hurt in this book.

I am stopped on page 520 of 606 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and I can’t bring myself to resume the book. I have been trying to read it as quickly as possible. I was chagrined not to finish it before I left for the writing retreat I’m on this weekend. I’ve taken it out at every opportunity. I sit in the corner of the cafeteria with my book propped in front of me at meals, in case anyone thinks I want to be social. I’ve completed writing exercises quickly in order to take out my book and read on.

I don’t feel so bad about this. While we write, our instructor, Faith Sullivan, the author of The Cape Ann, Gardenias, and other novels, opens the book she’s reading, which is Heat Wave by Penelope Lively. Bookish behavior made me an outcast in grade school, but is something I celebrate today.

Given all this, then, I am surprised at my sudden aversion to finishing the novel. I want to find out what happens!

And yet, and yet…

When it’s over, it will be over. All seven books done that I’ve been reading for nearly ten years. The characters–Ron, Hermione, Harry. The locations–Hogwarts, Diagon Alley. The details–pumpkin juice, spells, jinxes and charms. Yeah, Rowling’s writing isn’t flawless, and her characters haven’t changed that much over the seven years of the books. But I LIKE the books. Rowling has the storytelling knack that makes a reader desperately want to find out what happens next. I’ve enjoyed the Harry Potter books. I’ve found pleasure in reading them. And like Steven King, I’m going to be sad when the series is done, no matter who lives or dies.

Moose out front shoulda told you.

I’m not even a third of the way through Harry Potter #7. I must read.

It had some inane moniker, but really, it was just a clip show. It was nice to see Tim Gunn again, and some of the clips from seasons 1 and 2 made me want to watch them, but again, this was just a clip show.

Of the season three eliminations, Cliff is unsophisticated, but aw-shucks sweet and sincere. Sandee should have gotten a clue by now that poached didn’t equal barbecue. Camille’s strength does not lie in verbal communication. Micah was off-putting, as evidenced by her flip announcement that she’s African-American. The only elimination I regret is Lia’s. She looked calm and composed, and had only nice, balanced things to say.

#1

You don’t have to read a book to have an opinion….I don’t read novels. I prefer good literary criticism. That way you get both the novelists’ ideas as well as the critics’ thinking. With fiction I can never forget that none of it really happened, that it’s all just made up by the author.

–Tom Townsend (Edward Clements) in Whit Stillman’s Metropolitan (1990)

#2

according to Bayard, it is perfectly possible to have a fruitful discussion about a book one hasn’t read, even with someone who hasn’t read it either. (link from Arts & Letters Daily)

#3

[Cowen] lists eight strategies for taking control of one’s reading, which include ruthless skipping around, following one character while ignoring others, and even going directly to the last chapter. Your eighth-grade English teacher would faint. But the principle here is valuing the scarcity of your own time, which people often fail to do. (link from Arts & Letters Daily)

I’m a reader. I believe in the power of stories and the magic of books. This does not mean I finish every book I start. I give books 50 pages; by then if I’m annoyed or disengaged, I stop. There are too many other books I WANT to read for me to waste time on books I don’t care for. Like Cowen, I value my time, which is all the more scarce after having two children.

Like Bayard, it’s not just possible, but common, for me have an opinion on a book I haven’t read. I qualify my opinion by admitting that, though. I’m allowed to think that The DaVinci Code is poorly written and that its story is intriguing. But I haven’t read it; I’ve only synthesized what I’ve heard and read ABOUT it. My opinion is theoretical, because it’s based on the testimony of others, not experience of my own.

Yet I’m still bothered by the cavalier attitude of Cowen and Bayard. Most good stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end. If Cowen and Bayard practice–even celebrate–this literary dilettantism, they may have opinions (to which they are entitled, as are we all), but they are partial, and thus limited. And if Cowen and Bayard don’t disclose their partial knowledge, then they’re being less than honest.

In the end, I think it’s like what Robin Williams’s character said about smoking in Dead Again:

Someone is either a [reader] or a non[reader]. There’s no in-between. The trick is to find out which one you are, and be that. If you’re a non[read]er, you’ll know.

I’m a reader. I suspect you are, too. Don’t read what you don’t want to. But stories in their entirety are most often greater than the sum of their parts. Don’t listen to the dilettantes. To paraphrase another movie:

Read… or read not. There is no try.

(Written while procrastinating on lunch)

Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said ‘one can’t believe impossible things.’

‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast…’

–Lewis Carroll, “Through the Looking Glass”

1. Got up before Guppy and G. Grod
2. Got dressed by myself, without Drake and Guppy’s “help”
3. Found yoga mat where Drake had “helped” by putting it away
4. Rode bike 1 mile to gym
5. Practiced yoga
6. Rode bike 1 mile home

#25 in my 2007 book challenge was Elizabeth Gilbert’s spiritual travel memoir Eat, Pray, Love. This was my second time reading it, since it was also book #16 for me this year.

Gilbert is smart, funny, and honest. She notes that she’s good at making friends, and it’s easy to see why. After a nasty divorce, a disastrous rebound relationship, and a deep depression, Gilbert goes abroad for a year. Her first four months are spent in Rome, practicing the language and enjoying the food. Next she goes to an ashram in India to practice meditation and mindfulness. Finally, she spends the rest of the year in Bali, where she seeks to integrate divine and earthly experiences into holistic joy.

I keep remembering one of my Guru’s teachings about happiness. She says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you’re fortunate enough. But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it

This book made me hungry in my stomach for Rome. My searching soul perked up at the descriptions of the ashram in India. Though I’ve practiced yoga for seven years, I’d never before had the slightest urge to visit its country of origin. In the last 6 months, though, I’ve read this book twice, another book on India I loved, sat next to a man on an airline flight who gave me several tips about about traveling there, and have a friend there right now. I’m sensing a building Indian zeitgeist.

As before, the thing I disliked about the book was Gilbert’s use of religious terminology. She chooses to use He/Him to refer to God. She denies any belief in God’s sex, but the masculine pronoun only perpetuates the usual patriarchal stereotypes. (I’ve noted before that I think the American Heritage Dictionary has a nice note on the problems with “he”–scroll about halfway down the page to get to the AH entry.) She doesn’t wonder why Christianity is one of the few world religions that has a thunder god, but no fertility goddess. She uses the Christian designation for eras, BC/AD. These are widely known, but CE/BCE (Common Era, and Before Common Era) are more inclusive, and more correct, since the historic person Jesus didn’t get born in the year 0 anyway. She also uses the reductive and condescending term “Judeo-Christian”. This is problematic because it implies a cause/effect relationship that both oversimplifies the complex origins of Christianity, and wrongly implies that Christianity is a natural extension of Judaism.

It’s likely that I’m nitpicking because of my residual grad-school sensibilities, so these may not be things that would bother others. In spite of them, I highly recommend the book, and am eager to seek out her previous work.

Yesterday morning, I was impatient to know when my UK edition of the new Harry Potter would arrive. I checked my email confirmation and was displeased with the news. It was shipped by mail, so I couldn’t track it, and estimated delivery was between 7/27/07 and 7/31/07. I tried steeling myself for the wait, and reminding myself that it would be possible to avoid spoilers, but I couldn’t help looking at the mail slot every chance I got. I told myself this would make it arrive even later.

Imagine my joy, then, when the mail was delivered, and I saw my amazon.co.uk package. I’ve made just the bare beginning (30 pages) but hope to devote more time to it soon.

One of my best book shopping moments ever was when I worked at a used book store. I’d just read an article about how HP1 was so wildly successful in the UK but had not yet taken off in the US. #2 was already published in the UK, but not yet released stateside. I was unpacking a remainder/seconds box when I found a UK trade paperback of HP1 and a hardcover of HP2! And because I worked there, I got them for 50% off the marked down price! Since then, I’ve gotten them from the UK so I have a matching set, and so I get the English vocabulary, titles, and punctuation.

I’m a fan, but no fanatic. I like the Potter books. They’re fun. The release of a new one is an event. I want to know what happens. They’re not great literature, but so what? Not everything has to be, and they have a fair share of redeeming qualities.

My family made the jaunt down to Cedar Summit farm in New Prague, MN this past Saturday. Things looked pretty grim as we forgot the directions, overshot our exit by 17 miles and ended up in Faribault, by which time both Drake and Guppy woke and commenced a particularly painful screaming session. We did make it to the farm, though, and got to see the cows who give the milk and cream we buy. Guppy’s conversation was mostly “hi!” and “moo!” while we were there. Drake and G. Grod took a tour of the farm while I saw a presentation by a farmer from Moonstone farms. I enjoyed the cooking demo and learned some things about cooking grass-fed beef: bring to room temp before cooking, cook lower and slower and for less time than conventional beef, go for rare if possible. Both Guppy and I enjoyed the Moonstone Farms seared beef with carrots and cuke in a lettuce wrap. We all ate local wild-rice bratwursts from Pastures a Plenty and Cedar Summit ice-cream cones. I waited too long for a cup of my favorite root beer, 1919 (made by Schell’s Brewery in New Ulm, MN); the keg got tapped. Ah well, the Minnesota State Fair is only a month away.

Future dates for MN foodies:

MN Cooks at the State Fair: Sunday August 26, 2007

Beef and Blues (music and cheeses) at Cedar Summit Farm: Sunday September 9, 2007